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The "How 2 Beh Beh Man" Guide: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach—be wary of what you eat, my friends! Almost everyone believes that "the man"  is the head of the household... Is that really true?

The following can be considered the "Art of Creating the Infamous Beh Beh Man!"

In this situation, asking "the following question" is simple, yet providing an answer can be quite challenging. Here goes: If you had a choice, would you prefer to be a 'beh beh man' or a dastardly (weak-kneed) man suffering from 'foufoulou' because of a severe case of 'tabanca'?

So now that I have your attention, I will give you a few more seconds to finish "steupsing." Good enough, so you are saying that could never, ever happen to you, right? That will happen when "cock gets teet'."    Well, we have to consider how a proud and outstanding member of the male kingdom could end up in such a state. If you heard the radio yesterday, you might be questioning your relationship today. There is a possibility, or a high likelihood, that the safe and loving relationship you cherish today may not have resulted from genuine love, but rather from manipulative tactics used by a 'loving' or devious spouse.

"You better watch your back, Pardna," because I will reveal some of the tricks of the trade that may have you in your present state—seek and ye shall find, my dear friend. It has been said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and having said that, I  hope you have a good stomach for that which follows. Food and Drink My friends, we are going to have a conversation about food and drink.    One of the most famous tricks of the trade is sweet rice, and today we will talk about two ways the rice is prepared to trap you since you like to think with your other head (that is where it all starts, eh). The following information was gathered while listening to Trinibashment radio in a call-in segment on 11.03.09, and it is the views expressed by women who knew and called in to let us know.

Sweat Rice: 

The classic sweet rice is prepared with a passion not to bring intimacy and romance but simply to create the beh-beh man (in total control of the woman)—you! In classic style, the rice is boiled, and when done, the pot is placed on the floor, where the woman removes her undergarments and stoops over the pot. The steaming rice condenses on the woman's pubic and buttock area and falls back into the rice.    That is the knot that bewitches you, and without you knowing, stupid becomes chupid (chupid is a little worse than being stupid), then beh beh. This is an ongoing process, and the more rice you eat, the more 'chupid" you get—you are then considered a loving and caring husband—damn ass.

It's Story time—A Steamy Love Spell Imagine this:

A pot of rice, not just any rice, but a mystical concoction brewed with a dash of culinary sorcery. The ritual begins with the rice boiling away, its steam rising like a love potion in the making. Then, in a move that would make even the boldest chefs blush, the woman performs her secret spell—allowing the steam to mingle with her essence. The result? The dish is so enchanting that it transforms the unsuspecting man into a devoted, love-struck partner. As he takes bite after bite, the transformation is complete—"stupid" becomes "chupid," and before he knows it, he's a beh beh man, utterly smitten and under her spell.

Wood Slave in the Rice:

This is a professional task that requires the assistance of an Obeah woman, not necessarily an Obeah man. The wood slave, or 'check-ah-check,' is taken to the obeah house, and after a special ceremony, it is taken back home, where it is cooked in the rice. The wood slave is removed, and the rice is drained. The unfortunate individual who consumes the rice now assumes the role of the woman's house slave.

It's Story time—The Wood Slave Ritual: A Recipe for Control 

Step into the world of Obeah, where rituals are as mysterious as they are meticulous. This particular task requires an Obeah woman, a master of the craft. The process commences with the capture of the elusive wood slave, also known as "check-ah-check," a creature whose significance in this ceremony is truly legendary. The wood slave is taken to the Obeah house, where a special ceremony imbues it with mystical power. Once the ritual is complete, the creature is brought home to fulfill its destiny. It is cooked in a pot of rice, its essence blending into the grains. But here’s the twist—the wood slave is removed, and the rice is drained, leaving behind a dish that carries the spell’s potency. The unsuspecting individual who consumes this enchanted rice unknowingly steps into a new role: the woman’s devoted house slave, bound by forces they cannot comprehend.

The Frozen Cucumber 

Hold on now, eh, eh, not so fast, eh— Let's focus on the matter at hand. This method involves both science and art.  First, you need to get a healthy-looking cucumber, cut it open, and take out some of the core. Now take some honey and put it inside; spread it around well. Don't worry; I listened well. Now get a piece of parchment paper and write the person's name on it, wrap the paper well, and place it in the honey soup inside the cucumber. Now close the cucumber and seal it with hot candle wax. Take the cucumber and place it in the freezer compartment of your refrigerator. Turn it a few times (you might notice that it moves slightly when you turn the cucumber). Once you freeze the cucumber, the man becomes incredibly quiet, giving you complete control!

It's Story time—The Cucumber Conundrum

A Sweet Spell for Silence Hold up—don’t rush this masterpiece of mysticism! This dish isn’t just a recipe; it’s a delicate blend of science and art. Start with a pristine cucumber, the kind that practically glows with health. Slice it open and scoop out its core, creating a cozy little chamber. Next, drizzle honey inside, spreading it like a golden elixir of enchantment. Now, here’s where the magic kicks in: take a piece of parchment paper, inscribe the name of your target (yes, the lucky soul), and wrap it snugly. Place this name-filled scroll into the honeyed hollow of the cucumber. Seal the deal with hot candle wax, creating a fortress of frozen sorcery. Pop the cucumber into your freezer, and here’s the twist—give it a spin or two. You might notice it shifts slightly, as if alive with its newfound purpose. Once frozen solid, the spell completes, leaving your subject as silent as a whisper and firmly under your control.

Ganga Channa:

This is quite unpleasant, no, just nasty, to put it bluntly! Today's radio show did not address this topic, but I will still include it. In short, this is just dried poop that is sprinkled on food. Now, my friend, you are not just a fool, but a truly foolish one—a damn fool!

It's Story time—A Recipe for Regret Brace yourself for this one!

This meal is not suitable for those with weak hearts or stomachs. Picture this: a dish so audacious, so downright outrageous, it redefines the meaning of "acquired taste." Enter Ganga Channa, a concoction that involves sprinkling dried poop onto food. Yes, you read that right. The outcome isn’t just a culinary misstep; it’s a full-blown leap into the absurd. What is the end result? Not just a fool, but a certified, card-carrying "damn fool." Bon appétit, my friend—if you dare.

Shaved Pubic Hair:

Various ideas have influenced this method. People use hair from their heads and armpits, but the most important hair used is pubic hair; it always comes back to the Bermuda Triangle, if you ask me. Yes, if the woman is built just right when she stands (wearing pants, eh), a ray of sunlight beams through the triangle of dominance—foufoulou, my friend—yuh dogs dead, and yuh don't even know it. Indeed, this "woman is boss" method involves burning the hair, crushing it, and then sprinkling it over the food the man consumes. I'm uncertain about the effectiveness of this method, given the potent scent of burnt hair. I guess the strength of this method remains in the Bermuda Triangle.

It's Story time—The Bermuda Triangle of Power: A Hair-Raising Tale 

Ah, the Bermuda Triangle—a realm of mystery, dominance, and, apparently, pubic hair! This method is no ordinary ritual; it’s a calculated act of culinary sorcery. While some may experiment with hair from their heads or armpits, the true magic lies in the pubic hair, the focal point of this unique practice. Imagine this: a woman, standing proudly admiring her strength, her pants framing the triangle of power—her vagina! If the sunlight hits just right, it beams through like a spotlight on her undeniable authority—foufoulou, my friend, 'yuh-dogs-dead' for sure, and you don’t even know it. The ritual continues as the hair is burned, crushed, and sprinkled over the unsuspecting man’s meal. Although the scent of burnt hair may raise eyebrows and sting nostrils, the potency of this method is firmly rooted in the Bermuda Triangle (vagina/pubic area), making it a formidable force that many proud males succumb to without a fight.

Spiked Sorrel:

For those of you who enjoy drinking sorrel, please ensure that you are aware of its origin. If you are careless and don't care, then maybe you will become "so basodee," "yuh eh go know yuh foot from your right foot." This is a tricky situation because the secret ingredient can only be obtained when the female is experiencing her menstrual cycle. So, if you are one of those guys who keeps a check on these things, then knowing when to drink your chilled sorrel is extremely important! This could end up being a deal-making experience where the pack of cards is not stacked in your favor. In any case, you're playing with a loaded deck with no chance of 'hitting and running." 

It's Story time—Sorrel Secrets: A Risky Sip

Picture this: a chilled glass of sorrel, its vibrant red hue promising refreshment and delight. But beware—this isn’t just any sorrel. Hidden within its sweet and tangy depths lies a secret ingredient—one that could leave you "so basodee" that you won’t know your left foot from your right. The twist? Only a woman's menstrual cycle can source this mysterious addition, resulting in a brew brimming with intrigue and caution. Timing is crucial for the unsuspecting man. If you take a careless sip, you might find yourself in a situation where the odds are against you—a loaded deck with no way out. So, my friend, drink wisely, or risk becoming the ultimate "damn fool."

Breast Milk:

This situation doesn't intimidate me; in fact, if I have the chance to obtain the milk, I might even advocate for it. In this scenario, they incorporate breast milk into the macaroni pie, a dish that Trini men adore. Its purpose is to make you feel like a child under someone's control. I don't mind that as long as I can get the cookie every day.

It's Story time—Breast Milk Macaroni Pie: A Dish of Devotion 

Ah, macaroni pie—a Trini classic that’s already irresistible. But what if I told you there’s a secret ingredient that takes it to a whole new level of enchantment? Enter breast milk, the unexpected twist in this culinary tale. The idea is simple yet diabolical: Infuse the pie with this magical elixir, and suddenly, the man who eats it undergoes a transformation. He’s no longer just a partner; he’s a childlike devotee, under her gentle yet unyielding control. And honestly? If it means enjoying the benefits of everyday lovemaking, who would have any objections? This dish isn’t just food—it’s a power move served on a plate.

Channel Eggs:

This one had me cracking up—it's the best, and, if you ask me, it's genius—well, you didn't have to ask... it's just brilliant. OK, the channel egg is created by breaking eggs on the back of a woman (bent over just enough for the egg to flow down her back). The egg drains down the indentation of her spinal column, flows between her butt cheeks to her pubic area, and is then collected in a bowl below. They season the now-sauced eggs and either scramble or fry them before serving. Now, remember, if you are ever served eggs that have that very peculiar smell that "ah, real men know," you should either smile or run like hell.

It's Story time—Channel Egg: A Recipe for Risk and Revelry 

Get ready for a culinary tale that’s equal parts bizarre and brilliant. Imagine this: the creation of the infamous "channel egg," a dish that’s as much an art form as it is a ritual. A woman, poised just so, cracks eggs and allows them to flow down the natural curve of her spine. The journey doesn’t stop there—the egg takes a detour, sliding gracefully between her buttocks and landing in the pubic area before being collected in a bowl below. But the magic doesn’t end with the collection. She now seasons these eggs with a hint of mystery and scrambles or fries them to perfection. The result? Only the most discerning "real men" can recognize the peculiar aroma of this dish. And here's the catch: if you ever encounter these eggs, your options are either to smile knowingly or to flee immediately.

Left-hand dumplings (Lef' Han' dumplings):
Kent D'Juice (WACK radio presenter) shared this information with me today. He explained that the "left-hand dumpling phenomenon" belongs to the women of Tobago. The trick of this "tie" works something like this: The woman undresses, enters the kitchen in her undressed state, and uses her left hand to knead the flour. I'm not sure why she does this, so don't ask.    The resulting dumpling or bake is then served to the man, especially when he wants the cookie, eh? Isn't it true that Tobago obeah is more potent than Trinidad's? If so, you're in a lifelong partnership.

Spiked Callaloo:  

The last thing I missed was that men who suddenly realized they were in a minefield couldn't continue the conversation.  Please leave a comment if you can shed some light on the Callaloo Chronicles. 

It's Story time—The Callaloo Conspiracy

Marva, a clever young woman in 1960s Trinidad and Tobago, set her sights on Winston, a stubborn bachelor with a love for callaloo. Determined to win him over, she sought help from Auntie Pearl, a powerful Obeah woman. Auntie Pearl gave Marva a magical powder to sprinkle into Winston's favorite dish. When Winston ate the enchanted callaloo, he fell under Marva's spell, transforming into her devoted companion. Marva triumphed, turning the village's most resistant bachelor into her loyal "beh beh man," all thanks to a little Obeah magic and a pot of callaloo.

Story link here:  The Callaloo Conspiracy: How Obeah and Island Flavors Won Over a Stubborn Heart

A Message to My Friends:

My friends, Sorrel is a must for Christmas, rice is a staple food, and breakfast eggs are a luxury. Always remain aware of your surroundings, examine yourself closely in the mirror, and reflect on the life you had before encountering your current circumstances. Do you consider it a well-traveled journey, and are you looking forward to tomorrow, or do you now find yourself in a predicament similar to someone else's? ( I'm not sure; perhaps you could ask Kenny Phillips directly. He is a caring husband and loving father. I hope that addresses your concern; is there anything else that needs attention?  I just thought about this issue... How does all of this apply to same-sex relationships?  What is your opinion?

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